Dear Ally,

Home » Uncategorized » Loud doesn’t always mean angry

Loud doesn’t always mean angry

Dear Ally,

I thought, after last week’s heavy flashback post, I needed to lighten the mood, plus you sound like you could use a laugh.

As you might remember, my sophomore year roommate was the roommate that I lived with for the rest of college. We got along very well, but we still had to get to know each other’s quirks and habits at the beginning.

One day she says to me, “I’ve learned something about you.” “Oh yeah, what?” She then says, “Loud doesn’t mean angry.” This was definitely true, I yell for all sorts of reasons – excitement, emphasis, passion. When I’m angry or hurt I tend to clam up, sitting there silently seething.

I racked my brain trying to think of when she learned this, when had I been shouting and she took it to be shouting at her? Then I remembered the curdled milk incident. She liked to eat cereal in the morning and kept a quart of milk in our tiny dorm fridge. One day she was cleaning out the fridge and discovered that her milk had gone bad, disgustingly bad. She rinsed out the carton in the bathroom and brought it back to put in our recycling. It stunk up the entire room, so I began emphatically yelling, “Oh no, get that out of here. That’s so gross!” She sheepishly took the recycling bin to the container outside immediately.

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I hadn’t been angry (just disgusted) or meant to hurt her feelings and I’m glad she realized this eventually. This was a good lesson for me that people don’t always express themselves in the same ways or interpret your meaning correctly. Most people are not going around trying to hurt other’s feelings on purpose, but it’s easy to think that someone’s doing or saying something to you out of spite or anger. Before you jump to this conclusion, ask them to clarify or just straight up ask them if they’re angry or upset with you for some reason. A conflict can either be nipped in the bud or completely avoided this way.

Hope you get your poster rolling and lab assignments done!

Best,

Aunt Sarah

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1 Comment

  1. Becks says:

    This is the story of my life. Only a few people (two, exactly) have figured this out about me: yelling is not always anger. And even when I’m angry and yelling, it’s still just an expression- not aimed at the person listening.

    Like

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